ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
