1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
