Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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