omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
