If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
