I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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