Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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