i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
