what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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