Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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