Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
