We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
