chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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