Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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