I think my vagina is haunted
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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