I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
