Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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