So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
