I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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