I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
