i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
