I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
