You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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