I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
