My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
