She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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