he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
