In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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