no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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