There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
