how do flat chested girls get laid?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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