That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
