i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
