he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
