So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
