Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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