Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
