So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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