Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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