what day is it and did you see me today?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
how drunk are you?
Several
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
