There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
