Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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