I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
