My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
