2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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