my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
