Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
