I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
