I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
