Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
