His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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