Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
