I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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